February 2012
4 posts
One thing I've learned is this: Watch what you say...
Don't Stop the Music
“Please don’t stop the music… Please don’t stop the music…”
I am lonely.
I tried thinking of different ways I could say that, but to be honest that is the only way I can say it.
I am lonely. And I seem to care more about what I can join and do than my studies.
My iPhone has been playing music for the past two hours, feeding my head with beats and melodies -...
Sometimes I wonder if I had made the biggest...
Valerie
“Well, sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water. And I think of all the things, what you’re doing, and in my head I paint a picture. Cause since I’ve come on home, well my body’s been a mess, and I miss your gentle hair and the way you like to dress. Won’t you come on over? Stop making a fool out of me… Why don’t you come on over,...
January 2012
3 posts
I have never been in a position where I truly felt...
Who Knows?
“I’m in like with you. Not in love with you, quite yet. My heart’s beginning to… slightly overrule my head. Oh no, oh no, my self control - it won’t hold up for very long. Oh no, oh no, you touch my soul, I can’t help falling too fast for you. Can you hold on a bit? Stop before we go? Cause I might need a moment and I wouldn’t want to spoil it. Who knows...
Set Fire to the Rain
“When laying with you, I could stay there, close my eyes. Feel you here, forever - you and me together, nothing is better. ‘Cause there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew. All the things you’d say, they were never true, never true…”
Sometimes, I just need to know.
Is this worth it?
Is what I’m doing actually working towards some sort of...
December 2011
3 posts
Secrets
“I need another story, something to get off my chest. My life is kind of boring - need something that I can confess. Til all my sleeves are stained red from all the truth that I’ve said.”
I miss that feeling.
The feeling that I’m working towards something - that the world is wide open, there, for my taking. I miss feeling motivated, like I’m doing something. I miss...
Rumour Has It
“Sure, she’s got it all… But baby, is that what you really want?”
I feel like dancing.
I think that’s what I miss the most. I guess that’s really hard to say… I miss speaking in another language, I miss dancing, I miss knowing how to prepare and study for a final.
I miss writing.
Oh, how I miss writing. I miss being able to put my thoughts down on...
Chasing Pavements
“I’ve made up my mind, don’t need to think it over…”
I hate feeling this way.
I hate feeling like… my friends deserve better than what they’re getting.
I hate feeling like… I’m stressed out. Like, I can’t get a grip. Like I’m losing control.
If there was one thing I had prided myself on was…
Was…
Was?
...
November 2011
2 posts
Before I Knew Better
“I don’t know where to put you anymore… You can’t be kept inside my dresser drawer. I find the pieces of you in my dreams… And in the evening, spill out the edge of my mind.”
I don’t know how to feel.
I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing - should I stay or go? I’ve made hasty declarations - emotions over thoughts - begging for things I...
What happened to me? I don’t know who I am anymore.
October 2011
4 posts
Somebody To Love
“Can anybody find me somebody to love? I work hard everyday of my life. I work til I ache in bones. At the end of the day I take home my hard earned pay all on my own. I get down on my knees and I start to pray, til the tears run down from my eyes, Lord. Somebody, oh somebody, can anybody find me somebody to love?”
On repeat.
“You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on...
Wait There
In the past week, I have spent more hours here than anywhere else on Campus. I believe it is safe to say I’ve spent more time here than I have in my own apartment - outside of sleeping, of course.
I love how quiet it is here.
The quiet tap-tap-tap of the keyboard is soothing and the overall attitude and fashion of this area is calming.
I’ve come here to study, I’ve come here...
Bowling Ball
“Maybe he’ll change, maybe things’ll get better. Maybe it would be nice, if he wouldn’t always put you down. Maybe things’ll work out, but maybe they’ll never…? And I think you’ve given him the benefit of the doubt. You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head, which means not at all. You have too much to give, to live, to waste your...
When you are at your wit’s end, what do you do?
When you are rock bottom.
When you are beaten until you are blue.
When you’re not sure if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
My head hurts.
I’m swimming in doubt. So much to do, so little time, and what if?
What if?
The constant reminder, the constant question.
I count the days.
There’s nothing to do but...
September 2011
6 posts
What Do You Want From Me
“There might’ve been a time where I would give myself away. Oh, once upon a time, I didn’t give a damn. But now, here we are. So, what do you want from me? What do you want from me?”
Breathe.
These words haven’t yet formed in my mind. Not yet articulated, but circulating, waiting to be written.
I am not ready.
I take each and every time more seriously than the...
As The Deer
“As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee. You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship thee. You alone are my strength, my shield, to You alone may my spirit yield. You alone, are my heart’s desire and I long to worship thee.”
I just want to unpack my mind.
Accumulating like junk throughout the years, so are the feelings and thoughts...
Wake Up Call
“Wake up call, caught you in the morning with another one in my bed. Don’t you care about me anymore? Don’t you care about me? I don’t think so.”
Alright, this is my disclaimer. I am pissed and a little bit upset.
-
Really, bitch? Really? Actually, no, it’s okay. FUCK YOU.
You’re lucky, so damn lucky, that I already made my decision prior to seeing...
Before I Knew Better
“I don’t know where to put you anymore… You can’t be kept inside my dresser drawer. I find the pieces of you in my dreams… And in the evenings, spill out the edge of my mind. Memories of you feel like they’re miles wide; it’s all I can do to get to the other side of these evenings.”
I just want you here.
Get It Right
“Can I start again? With my faith shaken? Cause I can’t go back and undo this. I just have to stay and face my mistakes but if I get stronger and wiser, I’ll get through this. What can you do when your good isn’t good enough and all that you touch tumbles down?”
Can I tell you a secret? Here, where it’s quiet - the sound of keys the only thing breaking the...
Shattered Glass
“Did I wake you? Were you sleeping? Were you still in the bed? Or is a nightmare keeping you up instead? Ooh baby, are you feeling guilty for what you did? If you think you’re hurting - you ain’t seen nothing yet. Was it really worth it? Was she everything that you were looking for? Feel like a man? I hope you know that you can’t come back cause all we had is broken like...
August 2011
3 posts
Someone Like You
“I heard that you’re settled down, that you found a girl and you’re married now. I heard that your dreams came true, guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you… Old friend, why’re you so shy? Ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the light. I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it. I had...
Just Something to Write Down
I’m a little bit sleepy and I can’t really be bothered with searching for a song.
There’s nothing really significant going through my head.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you…”
So much to be thankful for, so much to worry about.
But, maybe I’ll sleep and save the writing for a more coherent day.
Don't Want An Ending
“My heart is running on empty, one more day and then we go. Yeah, the time goes on, now don’t ask me how - I don’t know. You’ll be home tomorrow, about a thousand miles too far away, say you won’t forget and I’ll be okay. At least tonight, it’s just you and me and honestly, that’s everything I need.”
I am not ready.
After years, and months,...
July 2011
14 posts
Edge of Glory
“I’m on the edge of glory and I’m hanging on a moment of truth. I’m on the edge of glory and I’m hanging on a moment with you. I’m on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge…”
I’ll be thinking about it while trying to sleep so I might as well write it here.
And, there’s a pause, a thought - I wonder, “What if they judge...
So Sick of Love Songs
“It’s ridiculous - it’s been months, for some reason I can’t get over us. And I’m stronger than this. Enough is enough. No more walking around with my head down - I’m so over being blue, crying over you.”
I have a lot to say.
Other than my emotional breakdown that involved little to no tears, I’m just…
… “Fed up with my thoughts...
Breathe Again
“Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn’t look back? At the comfortable glow from the porch - the one I will still call yours. All those words came undone and now I’m not the only one facing the ghost that decide if the fire inside still burns. All I have, all I need, he’s the air I would kill to breathe. Holds my love in his hands, still I’m...
Ordinary Day
“Just a day, just an ordinary day, just trying to get by. Just a boy, just an ordinary boy, but he was looking to the sky. And as he asked if I could come along, I started to realize, that everyday he finds just what he’s looking for - like a shooting star, he shines, he said, ‘Take my hand. Live while you can. Don’t you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your...
Sukiyaki
“It’s all because of you, I’m feeling sad and blue. You went away, now my life is just a rainy day. And I love you so, how much you’ll never know - you’ve gone away and left me lonely.”
I’m just a little bit tired of being lonely.
I’m tired of wanting someone here with me, sometimes someone specific - sometimes, desperately, anyone.
I’m just...
Sand in My Shoes
“Two weeks away and it feels like the whole world should’ve changed, but I’m home now, and things still look the same. I think I’ll leave it ‘til tomorrow to unpack, try to forget for one more night, that I’m back in my flat on the road where the cars never stop going through the night… To real life where I can’t watch the sunset. I don’t have...
Bad Influence
“Wind me up and watch me go - where she stops, nobody knows. A good excuse to be a bad influence on you.”
I wish I had more to say tonight.
But, I’m exhausted and instead of sleeping I’m looking at meme’s.
Tomorrow though, I’ll recap.
Je Ne Veux Pas Travailler
“Je ne veux pas travailler, je ne veux pas déjeuner, je veux seulement oublier - et puis je fume.”
Something quick before I forget, or instead (rather, worse), I don’t do it at all.
Isn’t it crazy how a second time around changes my entire perspective?
You bore me, sorry.
You aren’t attractive, sorry.
And your constant backtracking doesn’t leave much to be...
Penguin
“Can you find the time to let your lover love you? He only wants to show you the things he wants to learn too. The hardest parts you’ll get through, and in the end, you’ll have your best friend. Love like this may come once, baby, it’s fate. Like a soulmate, he’s your penguin, baby it’s fate, baby it’s fate… Not luck.”
Sometimes I wonder what...
Bluebird
“How the hell does a broken heart get back together, when it’s torn apart? Teach itself to start beating again?”
Who do you think about when you’re all alone?
I keep thinking about two weeks from now, if it’ll happen - rather, I’m planning out ways it could happen - and I’ve already come to terms with the fact that it more than likely won’t but...
With You
“Oh, I’m into you and girl no one else will do. With every kiss and every hug, you make me fall in love. And now I, no, I can’t be the only one. I bet there’s hearts all over the world tonight with the love of their life who feel what I feel when I’m with you.”
I want to be in love.
And I wish someone would be in love with me too.
Fall for Anything
“Don’t give yourself away, don’t live your life that way - of course he’s gonna say anything you want, then leave quicker than he came. Now, you got yourself to blame. Don’t put yourself back in the fire again. It’s the same damn thing, you’re so quick to believe - you do it over and over again. And it’s the same mistakes that I’m watching you...
I Swear This Time I Mean It
“If luck is on my side tonight, my clumsy tongue will make it right. And wrists that touch, it isn’t much, but it’s enough, to form imaginary lines.”
There isn’t much that I want to do right now than just lie here and think.
There isn’t much that I can do, I suppose, other than lie here and think.
Don’t get me wrong, but I don’t feel much like...
Blurry
“Everything’s so blurry and everyone’s so fake… And everybody’s empty and everything’s so messed up.”
I wish I had more time for this to really sink in - to meditate on this song - to spend some quality me time.
But tonight, I spent nearly three hours slowly undoing everything I’ve worked for thus far.
How easy was that?
A proposition, an...
June 2011
9 posts
Pictures of You
“Pictures of you, pictures of me, hung up on your wall for the world to see. Pictures of you, pictures of me, remind us all of what we used to be.”
I am logged out of facebook. I am logged out of my e-mail. My phone is off. My iChat is closed. (And I am inclined to add here that my twitter is still logged in because I’m paranoid that if I log out, they’ll finally change it...
Watch Me Shine
“I’m not your average type of girl, I’m gonna show the world the strength in me that sometimes they can’t see. I’m about to switch my style, and soon things may get wild, but I’ll prove that I can conquer anything. So, from my head to toe, I’m taking full control - I’ll make it on my own this time.”
I’ve never been intimidated by writing...
Need You Now
“Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor. Reaching for the phone cause I can’t fight it anymore… And I wonder if I ever cross your mind? For me, it happens all the time… It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone, and I need you now. Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now… And I don’t know how I could do...
Irreplacable
“You must not know about me, you must not know about me.”
Thought Vomit:
They always make the nights go by faster, which is why my days are always so slow.
I know it doesn’t mean much, and once I’m distracted I’m okay, but just that little pet name makes me feel a little bit better.
I watched Legally Blonde today, and it’s official, it is the number one...
Pretty Please
“Beautiful, there you go.”
Really quick, because I said I would do this, and I’d hate to fail myself the second day in:
Thought Vomit:
I have thee bestest friend in the world.
I still think about you, hasn’t changed, although - tonight, I waited but even though you didn’t show, I wasn’t disappointed. :) Progress?
I think I’m having conflicted...
California King Bed
“Chest to chest. Nose to nose. Palm to palm - we were always just that close. Wrist to wrist. Toe to toe. Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose. So, how come when I reach out my finger, it feels like more than distance between us?”
Though vomit:
I miss you.
I’m never going to willingly want to date guys who are hella into anime - because I feel that they have this huge...
At This Moment
“What did you think I would do at this moment? When you’re standing before me with tears in your eyes… Trying to tell me that you have found you another, and you just don’t love me no more. And what did you think, I would say at this moment? When I’m faced with the knowledge that you just don’t love me? Did you think I would curse you? Or say things to hurt you?...
I just haven't met you yet.
Defying Gravity
“Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep… It’s time to trust my instincts… Close my eyes and leap.”
What am I thinking of?
“I’m through accepting limits cause someone says they’re so. Some things I...
May 2011
4 posts
The Man Who Can't Be Moved
“Some try to hand me money, they don’t understand. I’m not broke, I’m just a broken hearted man. I know it makes no sense, what else can I do? How can I move on when I’m still in love with you? Cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me and your heart starts to wonder where on this Earth I could be, thinking maybe you’ll come back here to...
Thank You
There isn’t enough time for a song and I really just wanted to jot this down real quick before bed.
I was looking over my senior yearbook, glancing over the signatures and the requisite “keep in touch” and “don’t forget me” when I began to notice something else.”
“You are a hard worker. Keep going strong.” “You have the potential to be...